Emotional Abuse: They Love You,They Love You Not!

When people think of abusive relationships, they often think of physical violence. But other types of violence can be perpetrated against a partner, family member, or associate. Emotional abuse is a form of violence, and it can have devastating effects on the mental health of the victim. Emotional abuse is often talked about regarding intimate relationships. And it's true that relationships between romantic partners are one of the most common settings of this form of abuse(BetterHelp, n.d.). But they are not the only type of relationship where emotional abuse occurs. Here are just a few-

Both men and women are victims of emotional abuse, members of both genders are targeted by their partners. Children can be victims of emotional abuse by a parent or other authority figureBosses can abuse their power over employees. Adult children can emotionally abuse their parents. You may even have another emotionally abusive friend, family member, or co-worker

Coercive and manipulative behaviors are not exclusive to any one type of relationship. One thing that most of these relationships have in common is that the victim is in regular contact with their abuser in some way(BetterHelp, n.d.).

Constant criticism

Source: ejikeinfo.com

Criticism is not always abusive. But when someone is constantly putting you down or questioning your decisions, a motive is often behind the behavior
(BetterHelp, n.d.). This kind of chronic shaming wears down the victim's self-esteem and confidence and makes them doubt themselves and their self-worth(BetterHelp, n.d.) . Criticism can also be disguised as jokes. When a joke is designed to point out your flaws (real or perceived) to make you feel bad, it is a criticism, and not a constructive one(BetterHelp, n.d.).

Not all teasing is abuse, but there's an easy way to tell the difference. If the joke is about something that doesn't bother you or the other person, it is truly a joke(BetterHelp, n.d.) 

For instance, if a friend or family member teases you about being short, but you are comfortable with your height and you know it does not bother them, it is a friendly joke(BetterHelp, n.d.)If they joke about you being lazy and have seriously criticized you about this before, knowing that it evokes a reaction from you, then they are pushing your buttons. Eventually, you may become more susceptible to other forms of emotional abuse because of being so worn down by criticism(BetterHelp, n.d.) .

Victim blaming
Blaming the victim comes after other forms of abuse, whether physical, sexual, or emotional. The abuser will tell you that things that happened are your fault(BetterHelp, n.d.) . They claim they would not have acted the way they did or said the things they said if you would have just behaved appropriately and listened to them (BetterHelp, n.d.) .

They will tell you that you always cause issues, or you always start arguments. 

Unfortunately, abuse typically happens in private so you may have no one to validate your experiences or help you understand that you are not to blame for their actions. 

Hear this now" you are not responsible for what your abuser does. Making your own decisions is not a cause for abuse.

If you feel like something is not right about the way you are being treated, you should trust your instincts. Seek help by finding someone you can trust to talk to. If you decide to confront your abuser about their behaviors, only continue the conversation as long as each of you can remain calm, and have an escape plan prepared before the discussion. You may want to hold the conversation in a public place.

It can be difficult to learn to trust your own judgments and thoughts after experiencing emotional abuse (BetterHelp, n.d.) . Emotional abuse can cause many secondary conditions that may also need to be addressed as you recover from the situation. 

These secondary conditions can include:
  • Anxiety,
  • Depression,
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder,
  • Chronic pain,
  • Reduced sexual desire,
  • Gastrointestinal problems,
  • Increased blood pressure,
  • And other stress-related health issues.
Know that seeking help is about healing yourself. Emotional abuse is a wound, and like any other deep wound, you're more likely to regain maximum functionality if you seek professional treatment. 


BetterHelp. (n.d.). You're Not Crazy, But Emotional Abuse Can Make You Think You Are. Retrieved from https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/abuse/youre-not-crazy-but-emotional-abuse-can-make-you-think-you-are/

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional.

Words Have Power

#PenAndPaper -
The Power of Words can comfort us when we’re feeling happy, sad, angry or mad.

The Power of Words can inspire us to keep moving forward on our journey we call life.

The Power of Words can humiliate us, make us laugh, create silences, or stimulate our thoughts process.

The Power of Words also has the ability to create unhealthy and healthy relationships.

The Power of Words can create sexual desires, physical and emotional bonds.

The Power of Words can create love and hate.

The Power of Words can educate us to destroy or create change.

The Power of Words has the ability to incite violence or give peace.

The Power of Words has the potential to produce positive or negative consequences 

Remember at the end of the day……Words have power. Choose them wisely.

Author Holli Pellman : I'm Ready To Talk, Breaking The Silence-My Own Story of Survival

First, can you tell us a little bit about the story of your experience? Only as much as you are comfortable sharing.

My story is one of survival. My father physically, mentally and emotionally abused me, an uncle molested me at the very young age of 7, and I was held down and raped by 3 men at the age of 15. The one thing I wish I knew and would have payed more attention to when I was younger is my intuition. Your intuition is almost always right. 

If your gut tells you something is wrong, trust it and walk away. Vibes don't lie.

What brings you the greatest joy?
My Children are my greatest joy.
Who are your biggest supporters? 
My biggest supporters are my friends and family.
Can you tell us a little bit about your books?
I'm Ready To Talk, Breaking The Silence is an autobiography of my life. It's a story of surviving physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. - Author Holli Pellman
I'm Ready To Talk | Breaking The Silence

Dreamers and Doers, Getting Things Done is a powerful book of quotes to change your life for the better forever. If your desire is to be motivated, to develop a sense of empowerment or to be unbelievably inspired, then you've picked the right book to keep you pumped up and focused on your goals that will take you closer to your dreams every single day. -Authors Holli Pellman and Dr. Robert L. Lawson
Dreamers and Doers | Getting Thing

Holli's favorite quotes: 

"Be the woman you needed as a girl." -Author unknown 

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.

Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. Robert Frost

Do you have any advice you would like to share?
"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”- Dr. Wayne Dyer

“If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for me, what am I? If not now, when? Sort yourself out, protect yourself and ensure your own survival – if you don’t, you can achieve nothing. However, selfishness is empty, so ensure that you make a positive difference to others, and do it now.”- Rabbi Hillel

About Holli Pellman: 
Holli Pellman is the author of I'm Ready To Talk, Breaking The silence and the co-author of Dreamers and Doers. She is a business owner in Cincinnati, Ohio where she currently lives with her husband and children.